Why Do I Torture Myself?

I want to share this with you guys; I found it while surfing the net (and no, I don’t have anything else to do with my time. LOL) It is a piece I wrote circa 2001, 10 years ago when I was still a self-published author (well, actually I was POD, not even self-published yet). My vision still remains the same, which is very validating for me.

Why Do I Torture Myself?

Why do I torture myself? That's a question I've asked myself dozens of times over the last few months. I still haven't come up with a rational, logical answer; only an answer that I feel from the heart. You see, I'm a writer. That's a term, that until recently, I felt uncomfortable calling myself, but it's starting to feel more and more like a warm, cozy blanket on a cold, rainy day. The term writer embraces me and defines me as no other word has in the past.

I love to write; always have, always will. Writing takes me on journeys that I've never imagined before. Writing clears up all the clutter from everyday living. It's an amazing, powerful feeling to start with a word, then a sentence, and then to eventually create these wonderful, intriguing, fictitious characters that come to life on a piece of paper right before my eyes. I never know where I'm taking them or where there are taking me. These characters are figments of my imagination that readers embrace, be it to love them or hate them, as their own. Amazing.

I have an intimate love affair with the feel of crisp paper, colorful pens and a sturdy keyboard against my fingertips. I'm in heaven! I love the sound the keyboard makes as I type out my feelings and thoughts, word by word, page by page. Yeah, the power of words is awesome. Words can form opinions, change your attitude, make you happy, make you laugh when you want to cry. . . change your entire life.

I discovered this power at a very early age and it's never left me. I still remember the first time I read Terry McMillan's Disappearing Acts; I savored every page with a smile on my face and suffered heartfelt sadness as it ended. Yes, I appreciate and embrace the power of the written word. So, why do I torture myself? I do it because every time I think this self-publishing journey is too hard, or too competitive, or too expensive, or too this or too that. . . a little voice in the back of my head whispers for me to keep on keeping on. I have this strong, burning desire to be heard. I have stories to tell. It's that simple. That's my purpose in life.

No, I admit, my stories are not great pieces of literary work, I'll leave that to Toni Morrison, and I'm not trying to write the All American novel, but I have great stories to tell and fascinating stories to be heard. My wish is that I'm entertaining avid readers and maybe letting them take a look at themselves, a sister, a brother, an aunt. They can relate. They feel something if only for 200 pages. I'm taking them on a mini-vacation. And maybe, just maybe, by the time they have read the last page. . . they will take something positive away as well.

Yes, I'm a writer! I can scream that with pride and confidence because God has given me a measure of talent that I should utilize. Why do I torment myself? Because I have no choice when my inner voice is pushing me to follow my dream and to walk out on faith. With hard work, determination and drive, my voice can be heard as well. I have stories to tell.

Electa Rome Parks
Author of The Ties That Bind


Note: Electa Rome Parks published "The Ties That Bind" in May, 2001. It can be purchased through Bookamillion.com, Xlibris.com bookstore and Amazon.com. Email address: novelideal@aol.com

Ode to Writing

I think I've loved you since the first time we met.

There was just something about you that spoke to me, spoke to me with a passion and genuine honesty like never before. When I was in your presence, I realized my full potential, my destiny and became whole.

To this day, when I'm with you, I come alive. I burn with the fervor of a woman possessed. I can't get enough of you. Just the thought of being with you, makes my body ache and burn with desire.

You complete me. I know, I realize that's a very strong statement. But it's true, you make me whole. I couldn't imagine life without you. You're my beginning and end. My alpha and omega.

You're the keeper of my secrets and desires. You share my dreams as if they were your own. You delight in my triumphs. And my failures and hurt, you ease the pain with the stroke of a pen. You embrace me in loving arms with your magic and power.

When I become one with you, I feel...

Unstoppable
Superhuman
Alive
Immortal

In the deepest throes of my pain, just the thought of being without you, of not having you in my life. . . makes me so unbelievably sad. I can't phantom life without you. I need you. I desire you and I cling to you so desperately. Can't you see that?

We've had our ups and downs. I guess that's just part of life, part of every relationship. But I can't continue to live like this. Not knowing if you love me back. I think you do, but sometimes I'm not so sure. I shouldn't have to struggle and back pedal and take three steps forward to take one back. I shouldn't have to hustle every day of my life to prove my alliance. Don't tease me and make me work so hard to prove my love. I've shown you over and over again. I think I love you much more than you love me.

I realize I need you much more than you'll ever need me. I accept that fact that you have other friends in your life that love you just as much as I do. I'm willing to share as long as you will commit to me when you're with me. I adore you. Can't you see that? You are so beautiful. Only you can awaken my soul and create magic all around. I'm totally sprung.

I don't want to sound desperate and lonely, but I can't lose you, not now, not ever. I need you in my life like I need air to breath, eyes to see. You nourish my soul, my very being. I don't think I could go on without you. Does this give you pleasure? Pleasure that you have so much power over me?

Please try to understand. I can't, I will not, go on without you. Knowing I'd do almost anything to keep you in my life makes me take a good, hard look at myself. What type of woman am I?

How damaged I must be since I can't survive without you?

How desperate I must be to beg you to never leave me?

How deranged I must sound to love you even if you sometimes don't love me back?

See, I've loved you since the first time we met. And no matter what, I can't live without you.

You Are What You Say You Are

“It doesn’t matter what people call you, it only matters what you answer to.” – Madea

The above quote by actor, writer, producer, director, screenwriter Tyler Perry is powerful. And Tyler Perry is a prime example of what he believes. He has lived and walked the talk and is one of my heroes because of his amazing triumph over personal childhood setbacks and tragedies. He never gave up and always had dreams of being successful regardless of what everyone else said or believed about him otherwise. And through that belief, he has transformed into the powerhouse he is today.

If there is one life lesson I could teach young people, even some adults, it would be about the concept of mind over matter. We really are what we say we are. The universe really is a remarkable entity because what we place out there really does come back to us with a vengeance. Law of Attraction. I’ve witnessed it in my life and experienced its effects.

Make no mistake about it, there is power in our words and thoughts. The Bible speaks of it. I discovered that power early on in my life. In fact, that’s why I fell in love with words---because of their beauty, splendor and the ability to change lives. That's why I have a passionate love affair with reading and writing to this day. So why not make your words and thoughts uplifting, empowering and encouraging?

I’ve always believed in claiming what’s rightfully mine. Say it out loud. Literally speak it into existence. That sets the cycle in motion so to speak. Write it down. Post it on the bathroom mirror. Chant it over and over in your mind. You’ll be surprised at the people, places, situations and events that are placed in your life designed to fulfill your destiny. That’s the nature of the universe. Making sure you are at the right place at the right time.

So, the question is: what are you? Say it. Claim it.

A Conversation with Electa Rome Parks


Tell us about your newest release, Diary of a Stalker.

Diary of a Stalker: a best-selling male author gets more than he bargained for when he meets a fanatical female fan. What starts out as a one-night stand quickly spirals out of control and into a dangerous game of obsession and pain.

As always, I offer readers an entertaining, steamy story that is fast paced, thought provoking, relationship based with an added twist. Readers will be fascinated and appalled at what drives some people to go after what they want at whatever cost. I think I have birthed characters that my readers will develop a love/hate relationship and hopefully will be talking back to the book as they experience the various emotions that my characters pull out of them. Diary of a Stalker will make for heated book club discussions across the country and readers will definitely be talking about it the next day.

Since it has been a couple of years since my last novel, Ladies’ Night Out, dropped, I wanted this new release to be something a little different from my previous novels. Yet, I wanted to maintain the core elements that my books are known for. The drama, the fast-paced nature, and the steamy relationship-based elements are still alive and well.

I have attended a lot of literary events such as conferences, signings, workshops, etc. After awhile I started to notice a pattern no matter what city or state I was in. Even though the avid readers, mostly female, poured much love my way (I love you back), I noticed the male authors received an extra dose (smile). Maybe because there aren’t as many male authors??? I noticed if I attended a large event, I would see some of the same female readers hanging out with the same male authors. Hmmm. So then, I started thinking about how groupies follow rock bands, rappers, professional athletics, actors and entertainers. Why wouldn’t this exist in the literary arena as well? Throw a few over the top “what if questions” into the mix and Diary of a Stalker was born.

Besides the actual writing process, what is the most gratifying aspect of being a writer?

Hands down, the most gratifying part of being an author has been meeting and greeting new and interesting readers who are embracing my stories and e-mailing me and writing me and meeting me at signings and telling me how much they've enjoyed my books! We talk about my characters like they are old friends. No matter how many times I've experienced this, it always makes my day. Puts a big smile on my face (LOL).

Their (the readers) feedback and reactions totally validates that my craft is a gift from God! If I can touch a number of people with my stories or even if I only entertain them and they don't walk away with a life lesson, then I've still done my job.

As you know, my stories are typically relationship based, very drama filled with an ounce of spice thrown in, well maybe a pound of spice thrown in, and they usually cover a topical issue that is prevalent in today's society. Believe me, I have so many characters screaming inside my head, waiting to tell their story, that I feel like the lady from the movie Sybil (LOL). So, bottom line, I pray and claim that my readership base will continue to grow and I'll have wonderful opportunities to meet many more fans.

If you weren't a writer what would you be?

Don't laugh, but if I weren't a writer, I'd probably be a psychiatrist. I absolutely love getting inside people's heads and seeing how or why they tick the way they do. The human psyche totally amazes and intrigues me to no end.

How do you deal with adversity and failure?

I stress out! I totally freak out, have a pity party, and take to my bed (LOL)! I'm laughing, but I'm pretty accurate. I'm so hard on myself, I'm my worst critic, and I've got to stop doing that. I can't enjoy my successes because I'm too busy worrying about what I could have done better or thinking about the next venture.

After I finally pull myself out of bed and stop my pity party (this usually lasts for roughly 24 hours), I analyze my situation like I'm breaking down a trigonometry problem. After all is said and done, I learn the lesson, file it in my permanent memory bank, remember I'm still standing and move on. In afterthought, life lessons are wonderful, even the ones filled with adversity and failure; they make us stronger and wiser and who we are today.

Also, if I may add, I have a good support team in place with my family and friends. Plus, I have a solid spiritual foundation that keeps me strong and undaunted by the dream dashers.

How do you define success?

Good question. Personally, I define success as being able to do something you truly love on a day to day basis, getting paid for it in the process, giving back to the community (to whom much is given, much is expected) and being the best person you can be which enables you to sleep peacefully at night. To me, those combined elements make you a successful person. And. . . if you place God and your family first, the sky's the limit!

What is one thing most readers don’t know about you?

Most readers don't know that I'm moody, I’m a true perfectionist, I love, love, love adventures, I believe in many unorthodox ideas, I’m sweetest person you ever want to meet until you step to me the wrong way, and I think Terrell Owens is super sexy and. . . Well, I guess that’s enough (I’m telling all my business) and you only asked for one. LOL. Oh, and I sometimes share too much.


Peace & Blessings,

Electa Rome Parks

Secret Lover

My lover is like no other. . .
The only one for me. . .
My lover takes me to new heights and beyond. . .
I yearn to be near, caught up in your delicious rapture. . .

You come to me during the deep recess of dawn, catching me in the midst of lovely dreams and the beginning and promise of a new day.

Oh, your touch sends shivers up and down my spine, arching my back, smiling even in sleep. You do that for me. . . you make me smile. Reaching for you, trying to pull you closer, to be a part of you, seeking out your mystery, so that I may never lose my joy or the passion you bring.

My heart beats for you. Can you hear it?

Your words, soft whispers in my ear, they are magic. They move my soul to depths I've never known before or after you. You comfort, hypnotize, seduce and arouse me all in one, with one caress. Only you. Only you can make me feel the tings and zings of life, passion and depths of living and I feel it radiate from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.

Ummm. You make me feel so good. I sigh, exhaling, taking you in, all of you; damn, it can't get any better than this. Do you know what you do to me?

You know how to stroke the inferno flames that take me to the peak of the mountaintop and how to ease me back down into that peacefulness of heaven on earth where it all makes sense.

You move me like no other. Oh, you make me come alive and tremble and shudder from just the mere thought of being near you. When you embrace me, I feel you deep inside, my very spirit cries out and rejoices in your presence. I glow. Only you. . .

Stay with me. Never leave me. Stay true to me as I'll always be dedicated to you. I adore you.

My heart. My soul. My muse. My lover.

Who are you?

Why of course, you're my lover of words.

Songs in the Key of Life

Writing is my therapy, always has been. When I'm sad, I write. When I'm happy, I write. There's nothing more comforting than pouring out my feelings on paper or the computer. When I'm sad, writing releases some of the pent up hurt and when I'm happy, writing captures the excitement of the moment. Writing expels the essence of me.

All that to say, I feel the urge to release some emotion tonight. I attended a funeral, a Homegoing Service, about two weeks ago. The church was packed to capacity with folding chairs in the aisles and people standing along the walls. There were flowers as far as the eye could behold. The deceased died of lung cancer and many family members and friends stood at the front of the church and spoke highly of the dearly departed. It was strange to see her life summed up neatly on the church program.

I thought to myself, if I died today, would the church be packed for me? Would people speak fondly of my life? Would I have made a difference? Would the legacy I hope to leave live on?

Life is short. And lately I feel as if I can't do enough fast enough. Anyone who knows me knows that patience is not one of my virtues. I try but patience is something I'm still working on. Whatever it is, I wanted it yesterday.My dreams are no different.

I have so many dreams and aspirations.I've been lucky to discover what my true passions and gifts are: writing and mentoring, mentoring young girls to be exact. Many people go their entire lives and never figure out exactly what they were meant to do during their short stint on earth. So, I'm one of the lucky ones.The hard part is actually achieving them.

I pray. I've always believed in the power of prayer, just as I've always relied on the power of words. I constantly pray for God to help me realize my dreams to the fullest and to be an inspiration to someone, to make a difference. One of the greatest fears I have is that I live life and never touch anyone, never make a difference in anyone's life. For me, that would be tragic. . .To die with a whisper. . . never quite having the chance to roar or soar with the eagles.

I guess what I'm saying is that I pray that God will guide me along the right path to fullfill my destiny. I pray that he will place people in my midst who will aid me in achieving. I pray that I'll continue to grow in my craft. I pray that he'll have me at the right place at the right time. I realize he knows what is in my heart, that my heart is pure and unselfish, and that I'm willing to work hard, be persistent, stay focused and determined on the road to victory.

I realize there will be many peaks and valleys along the way, several ups and downs because I've experienced them and they have only made me stronger and wiser. STRONGER AND WISER. What a blessing. I wouldn't change any of my life experiences because they have made me the person I am today.And you know what, I like the person I am today!

Everything happens for a reason and I feel my time is coming. I can sense it is just around the corner, already made it across the bend. I just have to remain patient. I've always been a dreamer. I believe I can do anything I put my mind to. That never left me from childhood. I never stopped dreaming and believing.

What was meant for me, I will achieve. And when it is all said and done, hopefully someone will say, "Electa stood for somethng. She believed in love, truth and doing what's right. She touched many through her books and lived by the motto: to whom much is given, much is expected.

Ramblings on a Wednesday Night

For as long as I can remember, I've always loved the beginning of a new year. I think there is something magical about a fresh, new start. Maybe I am strange in that way, but a new year gives me unlimited, renewed hope. Hope for new beginnings, new starts, a time to wipe the slate clean and start over. And that's how I try to start each new year. No regrets, no looking back. I embrace the future...

2009 is chocked full of possibilities for me. Shortly this country will have a black president in the White House and I couldn’t be prouder. That alone gives me hope. . . hope for the future, hope for my children, hope for this country. I never thought I'd live to see this day, not in my lifetime. When President-elect Obama shouts, 'Yes, we can,' I believe him with everything in my being. I still possess the childlike quality of believing that if I wish for it, ask for it, and believe it will happen, then guess what, it will. There is so much power in positive thinking...

As 2008 came to an end, I realized that even though I may not be exactly where I want to be, I also realize as long as there is hope in my heart and passion in my soul, then I'll get there with hard work and by the grace of God...

Each new year brings 12 months (from the previous year) of additional wisdom to my lifetime of experience. I'm an old soul and I know life is full of disappointments, delays, frustrations and pain. . . that is all part of the lessons we must learn. I pray that I use my wisdom wisely. But life is also about great triumphs, life-changing events, realizations, and meeting people who bring joy, peace and excitement into your life right when you need it. There are no accidents in life; everything happens for a reason, including the people who are placed in it. I've finally come to an understanding that life is about serving others by using our God-given talents in a positive manner.

I'm constantly learning about the person I see when I look in the mirror. And I can truly say I like the person I am, the person I see. Yeah, I'm moody. One minute I can be smiling, happy and on top of the world and the next, I feel like I've lost my best friend. Yes, I'm a perfectionist. I know, I can be selfish. Sometimes, well a lot of times, it is all about me, me, me. Okay, I'm impatient. Whatever I want, I wanted it yesterday...

But on the other hand, I am loyal. I can be the best friend you ever have, if you prove to me that you are a true friend. I'm dependable, reliable and I have an honest, caring heart. I love hard because I have so much love to give. I'm emotional to a fault (I wear my feelings on my sleeve) and I'm a true romantic, believing in soul mates and past lives. I have a weird sense of humor. But take me or leave me, that's me. That's who I am...

One thing I've learned about myself lately is that I truly am a writer. A storyteller. Well, I really already knew that, it wasn't an earth shattering realization, but I tried to be hardheaded and not listen to what my spirit was saying. And your spirit doesn't lie. Just be quiet and still, and really listen. Regardless of setbacks, a changing literary industry, and just flat out hard times, I can't run too long or too far from the power and beauty of words. They embrace me and comfort me like no other. We are having a true, torrid love affair. I absolutely adore writing; I love being in the zone, I love creating, I love playing God by creating characters that are born of my imagination and mind. I crave the beauty of words. The absolute, sheer power of words. . . how they can change lives...

Writing is my outlet. My joy and sometimes my pain. T he one thing I can depend on. So, 2009, I promise myself, here and now, I will be true to my spirit...