Thursday, October 22, 2009

Secret Lover

My lover is like no other. . .
The only one for me. . .
My lover takes me to new heights and beyond. . .

I yearn to be near, caught up in your delicious rapture. . .

You come to me during the deep recess of dawn, catching me in the midst of lovely dreams and the beginning and promise of a new day.

Oh, your touch sends shivers up and down my spine, arching my back, smiling even in sleep. You do that for me. . . you make me smile. Reaching for you, trying to pull you closer, to be a part of you, seeking out your mystery, so that I may never lose my joy or the passion you bring.

My heart beats for you. Can you hear it?

Your words, soft whispers in my ear, they are magic. They move my soul to depths I've never known before or after you. You comfort, hypnotize, seduce and arouse me all in one, with one caress. Only you. Only you can make me feel the tings and zings of life, passion and depths of living and I feel it radiate from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.

Ummm. You make me feel so good. I sigh, exhaling, taking you in, all of you; damn, it can't get any better than this. Do you know what you do to me?

You know how to stroke the inferno flames that take me to the peak of the mountaintop and how to ease me back down into that peacefulness of heaven on earth where it all makes sense.

You move me like no other. Oh, you make me come alive and tremble and shudder from just the mere thought of being near you. When you embrace me, I feel you deep inside, my very spirit cries out and rejoices in your presence. I glow. Only you. . .

Stay with me. Never leave me. Stay true to me as I'll always be dedicated to you. I adore you.

My heart. My soul. My muse. My lover.

Who are you?

Why of course, you're my lover of words.

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I am Phenomenal!

I was raised with a healthy level of positive self-esteem! I can thank my mom for that. I've always believed people are people. Titles, awards, status, degrees, money, prestige, beauty. . . it means nothing to me. When it's all stripped down and set to the side, people are people. If you are cut, regardless of who you are, you will bleed red.

I measure people from a level of integrity, morality and character.

I've never gotten caught up in thinking that because someone has a certain title, especially during my professional working career, that I'm suppose to bow down to them. Not!

There's a very big difference between showing respect and kissing your ass, brown nosing or thinking less of myself when I'm around you. I've never even embraced the word that classified the difference between the boss and the employee. Insubordinate.

I'm not insubordinate to anyone but the man above---God. Therefore, I'll never allow anyone to intimidate, belittle, or even attempt to make me feel a level below them.

I feel that everyone from the janitor to the CEO of a company is to be respected and admired for the job they perform, because it is necessary for us to have our various duties and roles, but when it's all said and done---we are just human beings, regardless of race, sex, or nationality and that in itself places us all on the same level.

Life lesson: Created in the image of God, you are phenomenal! Don't allow anyone to tell you any differently.

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Toxic People

1. Treat others as you'd like to be treated.

2. To have friends, you must be a friend.

3. Expect to be treated a certain way---a respectful way.

4. Never trust a liar.

These are just some of the creeds my children have heard from me at various times
during their short lifetime. They are simple antidotes that have served me well in life and I gladly pass them on to Brandon and Briana. There are many others, too many to name, that I share as well when the need arises.

Expect to be treated a certain way. We receive only what we allow.

I live by that on a day-to-day basis. I am special; we all are. This statement is not coming from a place of arrogance but from a stance of spiritually. I am special. And because of that, I expect to be handled as such. I value my life, my body, my intellect, my talent and I expect others too as well. If a person can't handle that, well, they need to get to stepping because I don't need them in my life.

I will not allow someone, anyone, to talk down to me or attempt to make me feel like a lesser person. I know clearly who and what I am. Do you?

I don't need anyone in my life who isn't supportive, encouraging, inspiring and positive because I try to bring those qualities to the table when I deal with others. I can't deal with, nor do I have to, people who are unhappy with their lives for whatever reasons, so they attempt to make everyone around them unhappy and miserable. Does that sound like someone you know?

If you are unhappy with your life, then change it, you have that power in your hands to make a difference in how you live your life. Don't go through life miserable; it's too short. Make a change(s). Be happy. Be free.

I can't tolerate people who always see the negative side of every situation they find themselves in. The cup is always half empty, not half full. They complain, complain, complain --- no matter how trivia the situation may be. Ask yourself: Will it matter a year from now?

I try not to surround myself with people who are constantly talking about someone else. People they know and even the ones they don't know personally are fair game. Take a quick look in the mirror before you throw stones.

I refuse to deal with people who think their opinion is the only one. They talk over you, under you, refusing to let you get a word in edgewise. We can agree to disagree and remain civil. Here's a clue: The loudest talker doesn't translate to the smartest one.

I hate being around people who as long as they are sharing and talking about things of interest to them, they are fine, but as soon as it's the other person's turn, they lose interest. Wake up. The world doesn't revolve around you. Share in the joys of others.

Life lesson: Life is too short to waste on people who sap you of your positivity.

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Talk To Me

Alone in a room, it's just me and You
I feel so lost 'cause I don't know what to do
Now what if I choose the wrong thing to do
I'm so afraid, afraid of disappointing You

There have been numerous times in my life when I have had moments of despair and self-doubt. Even when in my heart, my soul, my very being, I knew the answer. We all do. Deep down, when we are silent, the answers are there. . . if only we will be still and listen to our inner voice.

That inner voice is God. God is always with us. He wants us to succeed, to reach our destiny.

So I need to talk to You and ask You for Your guidance
Especially today when my life is so cloudy
Guide me until I'm sure
I open up my heart, oh, yeah

There have been so many times in my life when, like now, I feel compelled to write. Write because the overwhelming emotions and feelings that are leaping and raging within can only be placed on paper, captured for eternity, that one moment in time. . . to read and feel over and again during the quiet, endearing moments of life. Moments like this come far and few, when you want to reach back and remember, "Oh yeah, that's how I felt."

I wouldn't describe myself as religious, but more as a spirtual person. I know God is real; I feel Him all around me. Each and every day. He's been with me through some of the most difficult moments of my life; that's why I'm still here to write about it. He carried me through when I couldn't walk through it.

My hopes and dreams are fading fast
I'm all burned out and I don't think my strengths gonna last
So I'm crying out, crying out to You
Lord, I know that You're the only one who is able to pull me through

God has been by my side for my joys and triumphs as well. He has celebrated my successes and knew they would happen because they were all written in my divine plan. I simply had to believe I could do great things because I am created in His image.

He has heard me call out his name and He has answered my call, time and time again. Sometimes I felt as if I didn't deserve his divine grace. . . but he still gently gathered me snugly in his arms and soothed my soul. Told me everything was going to be okay and you know what, it was.

So show me how to do things Your way
Don't let me make the same mistakes over and over again
Your will be done and I'll be the one to make sure that it's carried out
And in me, I don't want any doubt, that's why

There have been numerous times when I've been confused and I've prayed and asked Him to provide guidance. Send me a sign, send me a message, send me someone. . . something to show me, I'm like that; I always have to be shown. He didn't fret, didn't blink.

All I need to do is just hear a single word from You
I open, I open, open up my heart
Just one word could make a difference in what I do
Lord, guide me until I'm sure

Well, He did it again. In another moment of self-doubt, I asked for guidance and He delivered. Sometimes the very thing I know without a shadow of a doubt, is the one thing I fight, subconsciously, against. I say out loud negative thoughts that enter my mind: "Why me? Why aren't things happening faster for me? Why do I want the one thing that brings me the most frustration? Why do I let people bring me down?"

And He always eagerly responds with wisdom: "Why not you? This is your calling, your gift; use it wisely and don't take it for granted. You have the ability to reach thousands and thousands of people with your words; you have the ability to make a difference with your stories because no matter the format, they touch people. . . because they relate to the realness and vulnerability your characters reveal. Don't let the naysayers and the dream dashers allow you to lose your vision and divine destiny.

"Things are happening just the way they are suppose to happen. Don't forget, things happen in my time, not yours. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and no one, no one, can take that from you. What's meant for you, is meant for you. Be patient, my child. Patience is a virtue.

"You want the one thing that brings you frustration because that one thing speaks to you the loudest, speaks to you from a place within; a space that no one else can touch or see or hear or smell but you. Remember that. It's special; it's your magic. That's why even though you butt heads; you could never turn away from it because it defines you in as much as you bring it alive and place dept to it. Passions run deep. . and strong. . . and real. Embrace it and it'll love you back ten-fold."

I always pray for God to speak to me. . . to show me. . . to silence my struggles. You see, I've been nervous, pondering my next move and uncertain of the future, but He knows. . .He knows the beginning, middle and end. For it was spoken even before I was born.

I'm so happy that good news was sent my way, at the precise moment that I needed to hear it. Always right on time. . . with a warm spirit as the deliverer.

God is good! All the time!

You're the lover of my soul
Captain of my sea
I need a word from You
That's why I open up my heart

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Friday, October 16, 2009

100 Questions

What's your purpose in life? Does hell really exist? Why do the good die young? Do good girls really finish last? Is it better to marry for love or money? Do you believe in the Big Bang Theory or God created the heaven and earth? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Does love really conquer all? Does age bring wisdom? Is life fair? Is all fair in love and war? Is the grass greener on the other side? Does extraterrestrials exist? If you follow your passion, will money follow? Whose sexier, Denzel or Idris? Is it true, the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice? Is there life after death? Will the world end in 2012? Have you seen any miracles lately? Can you survive on love alone? Is abortion right or wrong? Are lying and murdering equal sins? Can pedophiles be reformed? Are young African-American males on the path to destruction? What is "good" hair? What would you do to be successful? Is life predestined? How far will honesty and hard work take you? Do we live in a world of reality or perception? Will an unhappy person equate to an unhappy life? Does God like ugly? Is mind really over matter? If he hits you once, will he hit you again? Does human kindness always triumph over cruelty? Does size matter? Does hand and shoe size mean anything? Is it possible to love two different men? Is our legal system fair to minorities? Is the SAT test fair to our children? How do you know the sky is blue? Is education the key to success? Has rap music corrupted our children? Is reading fundamental? Is sex overrated or underrated? Can you tell if you'll sleep with a man within five minutes of meeting him? Are women still treated as second class citizens? If you had to change one thing in your life, what would it be? What's your best feature? Is there a God? Have you witnessed any miracles lately? Is the devil real? Can men ever be content with one woman? Are there guardian angels? Do we each have a soul mate? Does our attitudes affect our lives? Would you rather have money or good health? Would you do something illegal if you knew you'd never get caught? What's your secret? Would you betray a friend? Is love blind? Do you believe in same sex marriages? Would you alter your appearance? Do you believe in marriage? Can we ever truly be happy? Could you kill to protect your family? Is beauty skin deep? Would you rather be with a very handsome man or an average one? Would you stay with him if he was horrible in bed? Does the media taint our image of the world around us? Do you strive on drama? Can money buy you class? Will you do almost anything for your child? Can you tolerate great pain? Would you die to save your child? What really brings you joy? Could you be with someone if you mother didn't accept him? Could you lie in court to protect someone? What are your regrets? What do you see when you look in the mirror? Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior? Do you literally believe everything in the Bible? Do you think certain people have the abilities to see into the future? Do you believe in past lives? Can you really tell the character of a man by the why he treats him mother? Can a woman raise a boy into a man? Is love colorblind? Would you choose a man over your child? What is your biggest pet peeve? Are you living life or simply existing? Who is the craziest relative in your family? What is the most daring thing you've ever done? Can you tell a lot about a person from her friends? Do you smile every day? What do you think of homeless people? If you died today, how would you be remembered? Are you a follower or a leader? What are your dreams? Who are your heroes? Do you take a moment to smell the roses? Do you love yourself? What do you believe in and would you die for it?

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Monday, October 05, 2009

Dynamics of a Family

"Drive carefully, be safe, and keep in contact with everyone on your drive home."

Those were the words that were spoken over the phone to me by my stepfather, Laymon, the day heavy rains hit metro Atlanta and caused historic flooding.

His words brought both comfort and tears. Why the tears you may ask? The tears came because I wasn't expecting anyone, besides my husband, to call concerned about my safety and well being. I know that's a drastic statement, but it's true. To understand that statement, you have to understand my family. The family dynamics.

Most of my family members, a very small group, do not freely express emotion; it comes hard for them. They show the world a tough exterior, whereby the interior is soft and cuddly. I realize I am very loved but I know this from actions, not words. Actions do speaker louder than words but sometimes. . . words are nice, too.

If my mom were alive that phone call would have been expected because she was always concerned about my safety, with me working in downtown Atlanta, and simply by me being a black woman in this crazy world of ours. My mom was a scary cat in some ways; she wouldn't take a shower unless someone was in the house with her. Many times I had to delay going home in order for her to take one. Yet, on the other hand, she'd stand up with a powerful and strong voice for anything she believed in and felt passionately about.

I've spoken in other blogs about the death of family members over the last few years. All the pillars of my family are gone and sometimes I wonder if things will ever be the same again. Then I realize I can't live in the past; we have to create new beginnings. Of course, I have my immediate family and cousins that I see on a non consistent basis. However, no one has risen to the position as the matriach and that is sadly missing.

Life has changed since I lost the "wise" ones whose words and comments kept me rooted, comforted and ground in family and tradition. I still remember how happy I'd be when my Uncle Robert would say: "You looking pretty today, gurl." "I miss you, when you gonna move back to Georgia where you belong. Ain't nothing like family." Or my Aunt Doll saying, "Come here and give me a hug. How you been doing? Still ain't no bigger than a pea. You need to come by and visit me more often. "I cooked some collards, chicken, corn bread and potato pie. Fix you a plate to take with you. Foils on the counter." "Or my Aunt Cat saying: "I saw you in the paper again, keep up the good work."

Mostly I miss my mom saying: "I'm proud of you." Or her bragging to her friends about me. Now. . . achievements come and I move on to the next goal without much fanfare because I don't expect to receive it.

Eventually, just a lingering emptiness remains, unspoken.

I'm so happy and rejoice in the fact that I'm raising a son and daughter who are not afraid to say, "I love you," or bestow hugs and kisses, even when their friends are around. That makes my day and places a big smile on my face.

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