Carpe Diem --- Seize the Day

Carpe Diem

Tomorrow isn't promised.

I'm a bit sad right now. Have been for a few days.

And that's okay.

There will be times during our lifetimes when our spirits are in need of uplifting. We can't be upbeat all the time. Living comes with its ups and...downs.

Sometimes your life can be changed in the blink of an eye by an event that takes place.

That's all it takes...

Amazing.

To look up with a totally different set of eyes and perspective on life.

Life is precious. So short. You can be here today and gone tomorrow with the snap of your fingers.

Events can transform you. For good or bad.

Then questions start to haunt your mind.

1) Am I living life to the fullest?

2)Am I following my calling?

3)Is this it?

We can only pray that our living will not be in vain. I know I pray that when I take my final breath, I will have made a difference.

Big or small.

But make a difference. Leave the world a better place than the way you entered it.

I pray that at the end, God will say, "Well done."

If I Could Go Back In Time

“Life gives us brief moments with another...but sometimes in those brief moment we get memories that last a life time...”

I have always heard and been told that one should never live life looking backwards. It's not productive. Never live in the present, looking towards the future, with woulda coulda shouldas pulling you back. Always embrace your future and live in the moment. That's where your energies should go.

However, I must admit, sometimes when just the right oldies song comes on the radio,  I become nostalgic and remember when. In that moment, I am taken back. It's amazing how a song can take you there---back in time---where you remember, and can almost feel what you were doing and who you were with at a moment from your past. And you smile because the memory makes you happy; it's almost like reliving it.

I've experienced a normal, middle class existence, just like most people, and sometimes I wonder, if even for a few seconds, what it would feel like to revisit my past. Even if it was only for an hour, or a day, with the knowledge I have now, to revisit various events and significant moments from my youth and young adulthood. 

Wouldn't that be absolutely amazing?

I've had my share of good, bad, joyous and tragic moments and they have all blended together and made me the person I am today. I have learned many life lessons. I'm the conclusion of all the moments and events I've experienced in my past. We are all products of our past. A summation of events.

If I had a magical wand and the ability to time travel, I would go back to these major points in my life.

• a day when I had terrific fun with all my female cousins that I grew up with
• the day I turned 13 (finally a teenager)
• the day I turned Sweet 16
• my first date
• my senior prom
• a day in high school
• a visit with my mom
• I'd revisit the moment I fell in love for the first time
• the first time I became a woman
• high school graduation
• turning 21
• a day in college
• college graduation
• first day on a real job
• my wedding day
• birth of my son
• birth of my daughter
• reunion with all my deceased relatives
• first book deal
• ???? (the ones yet to come)

The really great thing is that with God willing, I'll have many more special moments in my life. Life goes by so quickly. It's a shame that some people don't embrace it before it's too late. Memories. . . the fabric of life.

I am Afraid

“When I dare to be powerful---to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” –Audre Lorde


I admit it---I am afraid some of the time. Even though I am confident and secure in my abilities, gifts and destiny most of the time---being afraid will creep up now and then and play mind games with my psyche.

What am I afraid of?

I am afraid of not fulfilling my destiny. I am afraid of not becoming the best person I can be. I am afraid of falling short of my goals. I am afraid of not leaving a legacy for my children. I am afraid of not being good enough in their eyes, whoever “they” are.

I am afraid of not making a difference during my lifetime. I am afraid of just being average. I am afraid of second place. I am afraid of not having the strength to keep keeping on. I am afraid the universe will not recognize the passion, energy, drive and love I bring forth as if my life depends upon it.

I am afraid.

I am not afraid to admit these facts because I am human and imperfect just like anybody else. I have never been afraid to voice my feelings and emotions that I wear on my sleeve like a badge of honor. Oh yes, I have doubts and fears that shadow my path in the midst of my triumphs; attempting to shatter my dreams and discourage my footsteps. I recognize this for all it is and for all I will not let it become.

Yes, I am afraid.

I am afraid and scared some of the time, but I am also faithful in my knowledge that God didn’t bring me this far to forsake me. Why would he? His power can make the impossible, possible. Open doors that are closed. Make a stranger a powerful ally.

I am afraid some of the time, but most of the time, I am secure in my blessings and in the knowledge that it may not happen when I want it o happen, but it WILL happen. And that makes it less and less important whether I am afraid some of the time as long as I continue my walk to greatness.

Most of the time I am powerful.

What If?

Seems like I've been playing the what if game lately. I guess we all have at one point or another in our lives. It's only human nature, to be curious about other paths we could have taken.

Most of us recall reading Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken in high school English literature class. My favorite lines were:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Recently, the query started because a girlfriend and I were discussing what if we had never gone to University of West Georgia (which at the time we attended, had a minority popoulation of 4%) and had gone, instead, to a predominately black university or college. We debated back and forth on the merits of each. However, when it was all said and done, we never stopped to think that if we hadn't attended UWGA, we wouldn't have met each other her sophomore year, my junior year and formed a lifelong friendship and bond.

Her what if question got me to thinking about other situations in my life as well.

What if I hadn't majored in marketing and instead pursued my dream of becoming a pyschiatrist?

What if I hadn't married so young?

What if I hadn't moved back to the metro Atlanta area?

What if I had decided not to have children?

What if I had married someone else?

What if I wasn't so emotional?

What if I had never accepted my first job in Chicago?

What if I had moved to New York?

What if I had followed my dreams early on to become a writer?

I could sit here and what if myself to death. The what ifs are all part of human nature. We are curious creatures. We always wonder what's on the flip side of the coin because the grass always look greener on the other side.

I've learned to not worry or concern myself with the what if factor because we are exactly where we are suppose to be at this point in time. No matter what path we choose, the rural country road or the interstate expressway, the destination will be the same. Life isn't a series of coincidences; it's all part of a masterplan. And God doesn't make mistakes.

The Secret Life of Kids

Close your eyes, don't peep, and think back to when you were a kid. . . look at your own children. . . they all have one thing in common. They are dreamers!

When someone asks a child, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The typical child can recite a laundry list of professions. "I wanna be a doctor and a rapper and a football player and an astronaunt, oh and I wanna be a famous singer."

What is so powerful about the answer is that in their heart of hearts, they truly believe it. They believe they can be whatever they want to be. It's only later, when the harsh realities of life catch up with them, when they cast aside the naiveness of youth, it's only then that doubt sets in.

I think that's why I simply adore children when they are between the ages of 5-10 years old. They say the darnest things, they have wonderful imaginations and they STILL are dreamers. They truly believe in dreaming big, reaching for the stars and the sky is the limit.

One of the great things about dreaming is that it is a powerful tool. Once you visualize a dream, work hard towards achieving it and believe in it. . . the sky really is the limit.

So, why at some point does this ability to dream AND believe vanish from our pysches? I really don't know. Most of the time, by the time children, our children are teenagers, they have placed limitations on themselves. They start to think, "Well, maybe I can't be an attorney or Mom and Dad just said I could be anything I set my mind to." What happens?

I can honestly say, as a child, I was one of the biggest dreamers you could ever imagine. I dreamed big dreams in living color projected like they were on a movie screen. These dreams traveled with me well into my twenties, but somewhere along the way, I lost my vision. I guess life was beating me down. I was picking up on all the wrongs in an unjust world. I lost my ability to imagine and create my life. Along the way, I forgot that I am the creator of my own existence.

It's years later and I never regained my ability to dream quite so clearly and vividly. However, I didn't lose all of it. Somehow, I retained some of those traits and I'm able to look beyond the tragedy that can exist in life and instead choose to see the beauty and wonder of it all. Life is so amazing, so short and so full of opportunities to leave your mark and make a difference.

I've had dreams of many things during my lifetime:
1. I dreamed of a career---I received it
2. I dreamed of falling in love---I got my wish
3. I dreamed of having two beautiful children, a boy and girl. Guess what? My dream was answered.
4. I dreamed of having positive, inspiring, support, and loving people in my life---check, I have them
5. I dreamed of seeing the beauty in each and every one of us---I try each and every day to seek that out
6. I dreamed of living my life like it's golden---that is my goal each day
7. I dreamed of being a writer and reaching people through my words---check, done, still working on it
8. I dreamed of being the best person I can be---again, I'm a work in progress
9. I dreamed of being a good wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend---I can only hope that I've acheived this
10. My dreams are endless. . .

I'm so grateful that I didn't totally lose my ability to find the child in me. . . to believe I can do any and everything I set my mind to!

So, the next time you ask yourself, "What am I going to be when I really grow up?" What will your answer be and will you truly believe it?

Songs in the Key of Life

Writing is my therapy, always has been. When I'm sad, I write. When I'm happy, I write. There's nothing more comforting than pouring out my feelings on paper or the computer. When I'm sad, writing releases some of the pent up hurt and when I'm happy, writing captures the excitement of the moment. Writing expels the essence of me.

All that to say, I feel the urge to release some emotion tonight. I attended a funeral, a Homegoing Service, about two weeks ago. The church was packed to capacity with folding chairs in the aisles and people standing along the walls. There were flowers as far as the eye could behold. The deceased died of lung cancer and many family members and friends stood at the front of the church and spoke highly of the dearly departed. It was strange to see her life summed up neatly on the church program.

I thought to myself, if I died today, would the church be packed for me? Would people speak fondly of my life? Would I have made a difference? Would the legacy I hope to leave live on?

Life is short. And lately I feel as if I can't do enough fast enough. Anyone who knows me knows that patience is not one of my virtues. I try but patience is something I'm still working on. Whatever it is, I wanted it yesterday.My dreams are no different.

I have so many dreams and aspirations.I've been lucky to discover what my true passions and gifts are: writing and mentoring, mentoring young girls to be exact. Many people go their entire lives and never figure out exactly what they were meant to do during their short stint on earth. So, I'm one of the lucky ones.The hard part is actually achieving them.

I pray. I've always believed in the power of prayer, just as I've always relied on the power of words. I constantly pray for God to help me realize my dreams to the fullest and to be an inspiration to someone, to make a difference. One of the greatest fears I have is that I live life and never touch anyone, never make a difference in anyone's life. For me, that would be tragic. . .To die with a whisper. . . never quite having the chance to roar or soar with the eagles.

I guess what I'm saying is that I pray that God will guide me along the right path to fullfill my destiny. I pray that he will place people in my midst who will aid me in achieving. I pray that I'll continue to grow in my craft. I pray that he'll have me at the right place at the right time. I realize he knows what is in my heart, that my heart is pure and unselfish, and that I'm willing to work hard, be persistent, stay focused and determined on the road to victory.

I realize there will be many peaks and valleys along the way, several ups and downs because I've experienced them and they have only made me stronger and wiser. STRONGER AND WISER. What a blessing. I wouldn't change any of my life experiences because they have made me the person I am today.And you know what, I like the person I am today!

Everything happens for a reason and I feel my time is coming. I can sense it is just around the corner, already made it across the bend. I just have to remain patient. I've always been a dreamer. I believe I can do anything I put my mind to. That never left me from childhood. I never stopped dreaming and believing.

What was meant for me, I will achieve. And when it is all said and done, hopefully someone will say, "Electa stood for somethng. She believed in love, truth and doing what's right. She touched many through her books and lived by the motto: to whom much is given, much is expected.

What makes me happy?

What makes me happy?

Simple question. It's a question that I often ask myself. Especially when things aren't going well.

Today is one of those days.

I really can't explain why I'm in a bad mood; I'm just in that state of being. Nothing was said, no one stepped to me the wrong way, I'm not sick, I'm not hurt, I didn't have an argument with anyone. . . today is just one of those days.

I realize it doesn't take much to make me happy. It never has. That I know for sure. I'm not a materalistic person, never have been. I don't own a large home, drive an expensive car nor have a lot of overpriced knick knacks in my space.

It doesn't take much to make me happy. If I sat down and compiled a list, it wouldn't be extensive because I'm a very simplistic person, that works for me. Helps me to get past all the superficial so that I can realize my divine destiny.

My children (Brandon and Briana) make me happy because I can clearly see the wonderful adults they are growing into and knowing I had a hand in that, wow, that brings me joy. I know without a doubt that they are confident, intelligent, compassionate young adults who will grow up and be productive citizens of the world who will make a difference, no matter how big or small. They are my legacy.

Love makes me happy, basking in it makes me glow. Having someone in my life (my hubby) who supports me, encourages me, lifts me up when I'm down, laughs and cries with me, provides a shoulder for me to lean on. . . that is happiness. Being in love brings me a sense of protection, security and clarity. The act of love, knowing I can bond with someone on such a spiritual, emotional and physical level. . . that brings happiness.

My immediate family is a great source of happiness. We have history. Who else can say, "I knew you when you were knee high to a cricket?" Who else can still call me my childhood nickname? "Hey, Sweetpea!" They love me unconditionally like no one else ever will. I can always go home with no regrets. They love me just for me, take me like I am. Family keeps me on point and focused. That makes me truly happy.

My friends, my genuine, real friends make me happy because they know me, point blank. They know my moods; know when to step back and leave me alone and know when to offer a tissue for a good cry or laugh until our stomachs ache with laughter.They make me happy because we've created many happy times together. That's magical.

Being real; keeping it real. . . that makes me happy. I don't have a fake bone in my body. If I like you, then I like you. If I don't, there is no pretense and life goes on. I can spot a faker a mile away. WARNING: I DON'T NEED FAKE ASS PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. I don't need to cut down others in order to make myself appear larger than life. I don't desire to be the loudest to be heard or seen. My actions and quiet reserve will rise to the top eventually. Realness always shines through. I don't have to brag about my degrees or use big words to prove how intelligent I am. I know and I shouldn't have to prove it.

Beauty is happiness. A sunrise, a red, fragrant rose, a child's smile, the setting sun over the peak of a mountaintop, the stillness of a first snow, great works of art, a beautiful song, a sexy man---all make me happy.

Writing is my happiness. Happiness comes in the form of having the ability to bear my soul through the stroke of a pen or the keys on a keyboard. No one can take that away. When I write, my soul speaks loud and clear. . . no stuttering. Writing heals all my ills. . .

Quitness is the starting point for happiness. Just being still and listening to my spirit brings me a sense of well being. When I'm overstimulated, I react in a negative manner. I don't need a crowd of people in my life. I'll take a few genuine, wonderful friends over quantity any day.

One of my favorite movie quotes is: "I would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."

Being compassionate to others makes me happy. Being compassionate is the center of our true being. Life is so precious and short and I've experienced many deaths during my lifetime, so I speak from experience. People can be so nasty and evil to one another. Everybody vying for some imaginary spot on the top of the totem pole. In the end, it doesn't even matter.

Emotions, feeling something on a deep level, connecting with someone makes me happy because it proves I'm alive. Once you stop feeling, then you are already dead.

Quote from Steel Magnolias: I find it amusing. Men are suppose to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.

As I write this, I realize each and every day is a powerful journey in which I'm reaching for my happiness with open, outstretched, eager arms. . .