I Will Not Be Triumphed Over

The power of words has always been my salvation. In my darkest, most daunting moments, when I've felt I couldn't go on, they've purged, cleansed and restored my soul. Even as a child, at some level I understood this and basked in their beauty and strength.

In one of my most recent, more frequent pity party moments, I read the following:

"I will not be triumphed over."             

Wow! That spoke to me. Spoke to me from an ancient place of memory from generations and generations gone by. I am unbreakable, unbendable, unstoppable...no one, no thing, no situation, nobody is going to tear me down. Life may attempt to strip me down, stomp me down, wear me out, make me doubt myself, throw me curves, kick me to the curb, but in the end, I'll still rise. I will not be triumphed over. 

When I read those words, I immediately felt a heavy weight rise from my shoulders. I was at peace with my life, my situation, my predicament, my moment. Sure, I could, I really could, wallow in righteous self pity because life hasn't treated me like a favorite child recently. I'm in the midst of a storm, in the eye of a fierce storm that has bombarded me with residue from a layoff and a chain of unfortunate events that come at me blindly, from left and right. Yes, I could easily spiral into an empty pit of despair. I could curl up and give up.

Digesting that quote made me realize, I've survived worse---the death of my mother and sister being top on the list. I've been down before, but God always has my back. With age, I've come to realize that typically when one door closes, another opens right on time. We just have to remember to stop staring at the closed door in order to clearly see the one which has opened. The universe always makes a way for us.

No, I refuse to be triumphed over when my spirit is too strong to stay down and out. Do you hear me? My spirit, my resilience is too mighty. I have my doubts and worries like anyone else, I'm human, but when the dust settles and I'm in my quiet space, I hear the whispers, loud and clear, speaking to me from a place of wisdom. And I listen.

God has never and will never forsake me. And with that knowledge, I can loudly and mightily proclaim: I will not be triumphed over.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

And I Want it Right Now

"Dear God, I pray for patience. And I want it right now!"

I'm impatient.

Impatient to a fault.

I want what I want when I want it. And I want it yesterday.

And you all know the world doesn't stop in mid-orbit to cater to my whims. So, lots of times, hell, many times, I find myself highly frustrated and spasming out because it takes everything in me to contain myself. Oh, I'm also a little bit spoiled.

That's not good.

But, I gave up kiddng myself that I would work on it years ago. Who was I kidding? I'll go to my grave with an air of impatience dangling in my midst. In fact, in death, I'll probably be wondering why it's taking my family so long to bury me ( or cremate, haven't decided which). And then I'll be complaining because it's taking the heavenly angels too long to open the pearly gates and let me enter.  Later, I'll spasm out because I'm tired of waiting in line to speak with God. Why can't my name be moved up the list to the VIP session? I would want express service. LOL.

Sometimes, we have a rare opportunity to learn a life lesson played out in a very public manner and with a very unlikely character. A life lesson came the other day, in the form of Ted Williams, the homeless man with the golden voice. No one can tell me that wasn't God's intervention.

After sinking to his lowest since succumbing to issues dealing with drugs, alcohol and unemployment, Ted Williams had been homeless for over a decade . The unemployment came after losing the battle with the drugs and alcohol. Yet, people who have now been interviewed, remembering him from his days on the streets of Ohio, all say he is a kind and gentle man. . . with the gift of voice. Even with the harsh, daily reality of living on the streets and realizing how far he had sunk, Ted never lost his spirit nor his gift. Amazing.

Fast forward or maybe even play it forward, an angel in the form of a newspaper reporter, records and videos Ted speaking and millions of hits later on the Internet --- the rest is history. A viral success.

What is amazing is that through all Ted's struggles and challenges of making a life on the streets, God protected his voice until it was his time. If that isn't a testimony, then I don't know what is. We may go through up and downs in life --- because that is life. However, when it is our time, there is no one or any thing or any situation that can stop us from living up to God's greatness and special plan for us. No weapons formed against us, no naysayers, no haters, no dream dashers, no pessimist, no one can stop it. No one. It's all in divine time and divine order. Isn't that comforting to know?

Next time I complain about what hasn't happened in my life, in my time frame, I'll think of Ted Williams and the wonderful, supernatural miracles that can happen if we leave it up to God's timeline. God has our back.

It didn't escape my attention that even though Ted was homeless, that didn't stop him from telling anyone who would listen what gift God had bestowed upon him and if they allowed him, he showed them too in a rich, articulate, golden, perfect, flawless voice. Praise his name.

Skeptics are always saying that they haven't seen any miracles during our lifetimes.  Ain't no people being risen from the death or a few fish and loaves of bread transformed to feed many. I say, miracles are absolutely out there. We have to see them for what they are. We also have to open our eyes and our hearts. To go from homelessness, and three days later you are cruising the media circuit, inspiring people, moving people to tears and receiving multiple job offers and a house---that's a miracle. Just ask Ted Williams.

If that isn't a perfect example of God working supernatural goodness in someone's life than I don't know what is.

God is good.

Talk To Me

Alone in a room, it's just me and You
I feel so lost 'cause I don't know what to do
Now what if I choose the wrong thing to do
I'm so afraid, afraid of disappointing You

There have been numerous times in my life when I have had moments of despair and self-doubt. Even when in my heart, my soul, my very being, I knew the answer. We all do. Deep down, when we are silent, the answers are there. . . if only we will be still and listen to our inner voice.

That inner voice is God. God is always with us. He wants us to succeed, to reach our destiny.

So I need to talk to You and ask You for Your guidance
Especially today when my life is so cloudy
Guide me until I'm sure
I open up my heart, oh, yeah

There have been so many times in my life when, like now, I feel compelled to write. Write because the overwhelming emotions and feelings that are leaping and raging within can only be placed on paper, captured for eternity, that one moment in time. . . to read and feel over and again during the quiet, endearing moments of life. Moments like this come far and few, when you want to reach back and remember, "Oh yeah, that's how I felt."

I wouldn't describe myself as religious, but more as a spirtual person. I know God is real; I feel Him all around me. Each and every day. He's been with me through some of the most difficult moments of my life; that's why I'm still here to write about it. He carried me through when I couldn't walk through it.

My hopes and dreams are fading fast
I'm all burned out and I don't think my strengths gonna last
So I'm crying out, crying out to You
Lord, I know that You're the only one who is able to pull me through

God has been by my side for my joys and triumphs as well. He has celebrated my successes and knew they would happen because they were all written in my divine plan. I simply had to believe I could do great things because I am created in His image.

He has heard me call out his name and He has answered my call, time and time again. Sometimes I felt as if I didn't deserve his divine grace. . . but he still gently gathered me snugly in his arms and soothed my soul. Told me everything was going to be okay and you know what, it was.

So show me how to do things Your way
Don't let me make the same mistakes over and over again
Your will be done and I'll be the one to make sure that it's carried out
And in me, I don't want any doubt, that's why

There have been numerous times when I've been confused and I've prayed and asked Him to provide guidance. Send me a sign, send me a message, send me someone. . . something to show me, I'm like that; I always have to be shown. He didn't fret, didn't blink.

All I need to do is just hear a single word from You
I open, I open, open up my heart
Just one word could make a difference in what I do
Lord, guide me until I'm sure

Well, He did it again. In another moment of self-doubt, I asked for guidance and He delivered. Sometimes the very thing I know without a shadow of a doubt, is the one thing I fight, subconsciously, against. I say out loud negative thoughts that enter my mind: "Why me? Why aren't things happening faster for me? Why do I want the one thing that brings me the most frustration? Why do I let people bring me down?"

And He always eagerly responds with wisdom: "Why not you? This is your calling, your gift; use it wisely and don't take it for granted. You have the ability to reach thousands and thousands of people with your words; you have the ability to make a difference with your stories because no matter the format, they touch people. . . because they relate to the realness and vulnerability your characters reveal. Don't let the naysayers and the dream dashers allow you to lose your vision and divine destiny.

"Things are happening just the way they are suppose to happen. Don't forget, things happen in my time, not yours. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and no one, no one, can take that from you. What's meant for you, is meant for you. Be patient, my child. Patience is a virtue.

"You want the one thing that brings you frustration because that one thing speaks to you the loudest, speaks to you from a place within; a space that no one else can touch or see or hear or smell but you. Remember that. It's special; it's your magic. That's why even though you butt heads; you could never turn away from it because it defines you in as much as you bring it alive and place dept to it. Passions run deep. . and strong. . . and real. Embrace it and it'll love you back ten-fold."

I always pray for God to speak to me. . . to show me. . . to silence my struggles. You see, I've been nervous, pondering my next move and uncertain of the future, but He knows. . .He knows the beginning, middle and end. For it was spoken even before I was born.

I'm so happy that good news was sent my way, at the precise moment that I needed to hear it. Always right on time. . . with a warm spirit as the deliverer.

God is good! All the time!

You're the lover of my soul
Captain of my sea
I need a word from You
That's why I open up my heart