I Believe the Children are Our Future

I realize I will probably take some flack for stating this, but so be it. Some things simply have to be said: One of my biggest pet peeves is single women placing a man before their child.

Personally, I think it is appalling for any mother, single or married, to place a man ahead of her child. Yet, I know of and hear stories of this happening all the time. Oftentimes with dire consequences.

I realize, for AA women especially, there is a shortage of men and noticeably so here in the ATL, the ratio of men to women is astounding. So the men of Atlanta can and do get away with a lot of unacceptable bullshit. However, we all know that they couldn't get away with this if we, as women, didn't allow nor tolerate it. But. . . it's one thing to know and another to act on it.

I have no tolerance level for women who constantly parade a barrage of man after man in front of their child. One week it's Uncle Mike, a month later, Uncle Paul and on and on and on. I don't believe a man should even be introduced to a child unless the relationship is heading towards marriage. It is too confusing to the child. Translation: Don't lay up with different men, any man, in your bed in front of your children. Your son or daughter shouldn't have to wake up to a half clothed man walking out of mommy's bedroom. Children aren't stupid and besides, what message is this sending to the children? Both the male and female child will internalize this differently.

Secondly, stop allowing men who aren't the babies' father to discipline your child. That child is your responsibility, not some stranger you bring in off the street, who may or may not be in your life a year from now. If you find yourself with child, but unmarried to the babies' daddy, then unfortunately you have to act as man and dad if the biological father is not in your life. It's okay for the child to have a mentor or father figure, but when it ultimately comes down to it, no matter how you slice and dice it, the child is your responsibility.

Finally, don't move yourself and your child in with a man. Don't shack up when a child is in the picture. I firmly believe that children should be bought up to see, from your example, positive, loving, striving relationships. The mother depending upon a man, and not having her own, is not positive reinforcement. Young girls, especially, need to be exposed to independent, strong mothers that set goals and achieve.

Again, I know my comments may not please some, but I also know some women will do or say almost anything to have and keep a man in their life and bed. Lets simply not forget the children in the process. That's all I'm asking. They are the future.

My Aha Moment!

A couple of weeks ago, as Oprah would say, I had a treasured AHA moment.

It happened as I was speaking at an Open Campus event for teenage mothers between the ages of 14-18. Some of the young ladies were already mothers and others were pregnant.

The young ladies were participating in Literacy Week and as I spoke to them regarding my personal love of reading and writing, I felt such a connection and sense of purpose envelope me. There was such an amazing energy in the room that embraced me in pure love. Before my speech, at home, I had gotten down on my knees and prayed that my presentation be well received and that I be able to reach someone and plant a seed in their mind and heart.

I've spoken to groups of people many, many times since I've become a published author; that comes with the turf. However, this was the first time I had ever spoken to a group of young women. Mainly because my books tend to be racy and deal with adult relationship-based issues. My target market isn't the young adult market even though I am very much aware that they read my books.

I will say that though my books have adult themes, they do address prevalent issues found in our communities, such as domestic abuse, molestation, and dsyfunctional behavior to name a few themes. All the issues that young women experience, witness or deal with, some on a daily basis.

This event had a different spin because I was given the opportunity to share MY story, how I took my love affair with reading and writing and turned my dream into a career as a professional writer of contemporary fiction.

To witness the responsive, eager faces that held onto my every word was refreshing and edifying. Each girl had her own story as to how they were in the situations they were in, but there wasn't any judgment on my end. I felt we were exactly, at that moment in time, exactly where we were meant to be. I certainly think there is something powerful in the female bond.

I believe if we ask for it, it shall come. I can honestly say that my two great passions are writing and mentoring to young girls. Why young girls? I've always felt the need to reach out to them. The female species is so vulnerable to abuse, violence and suffering in this world we live in. We don't have to look at other countries for horrific examples, we can look in our own backyards.

So, I've always felt this burning desire in my spirit to reach out, take action and give back. That's why I was a Big Sister in the Big Brother, Big Sister Program because I wanted to be a mentor. Children will listen; they are like sponges and they really want to learn. They simply need someone positive and caring in their lives to make a difference. That's really all it takes. Someone to listen, care and share.

Ask for it and it shall come. I prayed for it and sure enough I received my request in two weeks. . . to speak to a room full of teenage mothers who are trying to complete their educations with the added responsibility of motherhood.

The universe places us exactly where we need to be and having the opportunity to make a difference. . . to be able to plant a seed. . . to touch a young life. . . AHA.

Priceless!