I Believe the Children are Our Future
I realize I will probably take some flack for stating this, but so be it. Some things simply have to be said: One of my biggest pet peeves is single women placing a man before their child.
Personally, I think it is appalling for any mother, single or married, to place a man ahead of her child. Yet, I know of and hear stories of this happening all the time. Oftentimes with dire consequences.
I realize, for AA women especially, there is a shortage of men and noticeably so here in the ATL, the ratio of men to women is astounding. So the men of Atlanta can and do get away with a lot of unacceptable bullshit. However, we all know that they couldn't get away with this if we, as women, didn't allow nor tolerate it. But. . . it's one thing to know and another to act on it.
I have no tolerance level for women who constantly parade a barrage of man after man in front of their child. One week it's Uncle Mike, a month later, Uncle Paul and on and on and on. I don't believe a man should even be introduced to a child unless the relationship is heading towards marriage. It is too confusing to the child. Translation: Don't lay up with different men, any man, in your bed in front of your children. Your son or daughter shouldn't have to wake up to a half clothed man walking out of mommy's bedroom. Children aren't stupid and besides, what message is this sending to the children? Both the male and female child will internalize this differently.
Secondly, stop allowing men who aren't the babies' father to discipline your child. That child is your responsibility, not some stranger you bring in off the street, who may or may not be in your life a year from now. If you find yourself with child, but unmarried to the babies' daddy, then unfortunately you have to act as man and dad if the biological father is not in your life. It's okay for the child to have a mentor or father figure, but when it ultimately comes down to it, no matter how you slice and dice it, the child is your responsibility.
Finally, don't move yourself and your child in with a man. Don't shack up when a child is in the picture. I firmly believe that children should be bought up to see, from your example, positive, loving, striving relationships. The mother depending upon a man, and not having her own, is not positive reinforcement. Young girls, especially, need to be exposed to independent, strong mothers that set goals and achieve.
Again, I know my comments may not please some, but I also know some women will do or say almost anything to have and keep a man in their life and bed. Lets simply not forget the children in the process. That's all I'm asking. They are the future.