Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Sleepless in Atlanta

My anxiety level is at an all-time high.

I haven't been sleeping well the last few weeks. Lets see, my restless nights, where I toss and turn, am wide awake at four in the morning staring at my bedroom ceiling, or my mind is racing in hundreds of different directions, has probably been going on for at least two weeks now.

Each morning my alarm goes off and I awake tired, with huge circles underneath my eyes. Not a good look. Not at all. These restless nights have occurred periodically throughout my adulthood. For some unknown reason, at least consciously anyway, I go weeks at a time with little to no sleep.

I recall one time, many years ago, I hadn't slept in days, but still couldn't rest at night, so I tried to wear myself out (as if I already wasn't) during the day by exercising relentlessly. All for nothing.

My mind simply wouldn't cooperate with my body no matter how tired I was. In the end, eventually, I slept again. But it made me realize, whether we are aware of it or not, the mind will let us know through physical symptons when something isn't quite right mentally.

I'm anxious. That's the bottom line for me. And I know exactly why I am this time around. My newest novel, Diary of a Stalker, drops the first of next year. It seems like that date is far, far away, but believe me, it will be here before I know it. There is always plenty of pre-preparation on my end. I haven't had a book to drop in two years and now I'm going into anxiety mode, at top speed, 100 miles down the expressway.

After the easy part, the actual writing of the book, that's when the hard work begins---marketing and promotion---announcing your baby to the world. I'm a marketing major so I absolutely love the entire concept. But I haven't been in marketing/promotions mode for two years now and believe me when I say that I take it to a whole nother level.

I literally live and breath making my book known to the entire universe, to infinite and beyond! I take it very seriously and it takes it's toll on me physically. I burn out quickly.

Then there are the typical anxiety stages of wondering and worrying if the reading audience will embrace this book as they have done with all my others. Don't get me wrong,I have a large and strong following, but it has been two years. Like any good mother, we want our new "baby" to be accepted, acknowledged and embraced into the fold just like his/her siblings. There are many silent questions of what ifs that my mind engages. Failure is never an option for me.

In the meantime, I'm losing sleep because I have tiny butterflies swooning back and forth inside my stomach. On some level I realize that with any baby all I can do is be loving, nurturing and giving of all opportunities to suceed. After that it is out of my hands. But I can say that when a "baby" is raised up right, with the proper ingredients for success, they usually do not disappoint.

Hopefully, I'll only have a few more nights of counting sheep. . .


Sleepless in Atlanta

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