Monday, June 08, 2009

I Miss My Mommy

I miss her so much that my heart aches. A slow, dull, never ending ache. It never really gets better with time, not really. The pain is always there, festering just beneath the surface, ready to resurface with a memory, a song, a place, a smell. I think Mother's Day, August (her birthday month) and December (her favorite time of the years) are always the worse.

Sometimes I daydream about what I'd do or say if I could go back in time and spend just one day with her, before the sickness came and nothing was ever the same. There is always that one moment in time that changes everything forever.

Sometimes I wonder what she'd say to me if she were able to regarding my life, my family, my dreams. . .

I fantasize it would be something like this.

Dearest Electa,

I miss you too! More than you will ever know. However, I'm never far away. You can talk to me whenever you want to, just speak, be still and listen to your spirit and I'll answer.

I just want you to know how proud I am of you. I'm not surprised at your success though. I just knew all those years when you were a child, with your head buried in somebody's book, lost in another place and time, I just knew one day you'd pen your own. Even then I saw just how much joy and peace you took from reading and forever
scribbling something on pads or your diary.

I just want you to know that you are a great mother and my grandchildren not only love you but they respect you as well. You've instilled in them a spirit of caring, giving and sympathy for others who are less fortunate. They have their heads on straight, believe in God, and will grow into productive, successful adults who have much to give back.

You and your husband make a great team. He is so supportive of you and the two of you have just the right amount of balance that plays well off of each other. You made a wise choice in choosing your mate.

Electa, you have to ease off on yourself though. Don't be so hard on yourself. Allow yourself to breath. You've got to give yourself credit where it is due and you have to start celebrating your successes as opposed to shrugging them off and moving on to the next project. You work hard for all you achieve, no one has ever handed you anything on a silver platter. So slow down and enjoy your successes!

You have your head on right, even as a young child you were wise beyond your years, an old soul. You know who you are and how to treat others. You have never been a follower or gotten pulled in by peer pressure. You're secure in who you are as a person. You're not afraid to stand up for what you believe in and you honor those who have come before you and paved the way.

Continue to hold your head up high and live your life to the fullest because there are no second chances. There aren't any dress rehearsals in real life. I know you miss me, but remember it was simply my time. My path was laid out before me just as yours is. Know that I'm never far away and I'm always looking out for you and yours. I can never be gone when I live within your heart and am alive within your memories.

Continue to make me proud and be the phenomenal woman that you are. We'll meet again, all in God's time. In the meantime, make a difference. . .

I love you and always will,


Mommy

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