Friday, June 05, 2009

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock

That seems to be the rhymn I'm hearing in my mind lately. The sound of time swiftly whizzing past me at a frantic, unrelenting pace. It makes me anxious because there is much I feel I have to accomplish during my lifetime. It's as if there is this internal clock, rapidly tick tocking, inside me that constantly pushes me to succeed, to reach higher. It's much like the biological clock some women feel when they desire children at a point in their lives but do not have any yet.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock

For those of you who have read my previous blogs, well, then you know I'm impatient to a fault---something I'm working on. I'm still a work in progress. However, the reality is that that still doesn't take away the fact that I feel like I'm behind schedule. I haven't checked off the top items with a big, black, bold marker on my present "TO DO LIST."

1. Be on the NY Times Bestsellers list
2. Make a big difference in the lives of young women
3. Leave my mark on the world (I don't want to die in a whisper. I want to die with a major roar).

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock

My spirtual intellect realizes that all things happen in time. It's just not my time yet. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be at this moment in time. I'm going through because I'm supposed to be learning a lesson and coming out on the other side, all a wiser, stronger, better person. Then I can be a blessing to someone else.

I've always felt I was destined for greatness! And I say that without an ounce of arrogance or superiority in my spirit. We are all entitled to do great things in one form or another. God has given us that gift. I understand HE has given me a gift of writing and the ability to connect with people because I carry no pretenses, illusions or ill will in my heart. I'm real. It's all part of HIS grand masterplan.

I know there have been many times in my life when things simply happened for me---I was in the right place at the right time. Someone in a position of power or authority took a likening to me. Everything simply lined up in my favor like a domino effect. All because of divine intervention.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock

Sometimes I doubt myself because things aren't happening fast enough, then fear sets in. I step back and realize all I have the power to do is to keep writing and keep keeping on. Everything else is in HIS hands. I have to take a calming breath, release, and know that HE didn't bring me this far to forsake me. HE has a masterplan for each of our lives. I rejoice in that, take great comfort in that.

Then I find myself playing the blame game; passing the buck. Shrugging off responsibility, accountability and ownership. "Well, the industry has drastically changed." True. "The industry is overly saturated with new authors." True. "The industry doesn't respect AA authors by giving us the same marketing budget to really get our names out there." True. The list goes on and on into infinite.

However, when it is all said and done, it simply doesn't matter. In the end, no one, I repeat, no one, can take away what God has in store for me. It is written, it is said, it is done.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock

I may not arrive at where I'd like to be in my timeframe, but I have no doubt that I'll arrive and on time in God's world. For HIM, two years is like a minute. I'll arrive with my luggage in tow, ready to complete my mission; I feel that in my spirit, in my core. And if I feel it, believe it, then it's done. Amazing.

I used to compare myself to other authors, other bestsellers, A-list authors. I have my favorites, ones I admire just like any other reader. Their success stories gave me hope, inspired me, lit a fire underneath me and made me want to be just like them. To have all the glory and all the fame. Then one day I woke up and realized, it's okay to admire someone and to take inspiration from them, but I can't aspire to be like anyone else. I'm me and there is no other! I'm an original in all my attributes and imperfections. There is greatness within me and the world had better get ready.

Their story is theirs alone and no one can walk in their shoes. My path to success may be totally different from theirs. Maybe I won't take the same fork in the road as they did. Maybe I'll have more struggles. Maybe I'll be tested. So, I have to have my own voice and be true to myself. I have to be me.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock

I'm still waiting to check off the items on my "TO DO LIST". It may not happen today, not even tomorrow, but I know with every fiber within my soul that somewhere down the line, I'll be able to check em off. What's meant for me is meant for me and it'll happen in it's own good time.


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