What's in a Date?

What’s in a Date?

At this very moment, as I watch the rain fall in heavy droves in downtown Atlanta, I sigh. My heart is heavy. I feel as dreary, gloomy and gray as the weather. My soul is sad... My spirit feels alone. . . I see the rain as being symbolic of my tears and the state of my downtrodden spirit.

My mother’s birthday is fastly approaching and I always get this way around this time of the year, like clockwork. She would have been 66 on August 23rd. The passage of time never seems to make the realization any better to accept.

I often question the “whys” of life. Why did I have to lose my mother to breast cancer? Why me? It’s simply not fair that I didn’t get to spend the time I needed and desired with her. It’s simply not fair that I didn’t get to share precious moments and events in my life with her. I wasn’t ready to let her go. We never are.

However, no one ever said life was fair.

I’ve heard it all: It was her time, she’s in a better place now, it’ll get better with time, she’s no longer suffering, you’ll see her again some day. I realize people say these things and they do mean well, but. . . it doesn’t lessen the pain. Unless you’ve walked in my footsteps, you can’t truly understand. True, with time, life does move on; it has no choice but to. Yet, there is still a dull, piercing ache that reminds me at inopportune times how I am a motherless child. I’ll never have anyone say, “That’s my child” or “I am so proud of you.” I’ll never have that unconditional love again. My heart aches and I feel all alone in the world and then just like that, the moment passes and life begins again. Life goes on, regardless.

God has blessed me with “substitute” mothers at different times in my life, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. They gave me what I needed and was missing at that moment, a mother’s love and guidance. I am so thankful and grateful for their entry into my life. I guess when it is all said and done, at the end of the day, God really doesn’t give us more than we can bear.

When Sunday, August 23rd rolls around again, I’ll try to focus on the good memories, and there were many, that I keep close to heart. Memories that I will treasure until the day I die. I’ll share stories with my children who never truly got the opportunity to know their grandmother. They were very young when she passed. Mostly, I’ll give thanks and celebration for the years I did have with her and for the independent and loving spirit she instilled in me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It's My Birthday! It's My Birthday!

It's my birthday! It's my birthday! Go, Electa! Go, Electa!

Seriously, I feel so blessed to be alive and healthy for another year. And to have the outpouring of birthday wishes that I've received today is an added bonus. It warms my heart to no end. Big hugs and smooches to everyone.

I believe in and I try to give people their "flowers" while they are alive. Life really is too short and sometimes we get caught up in just getting by, doing the day to day, rolling with the ups and downs, that we take the people in our lives, especially the ones that truly matter to us, for granted. We forget or neglect to extend common courtesies because we think they will always be around, always be there. I learned early on that is not always the case.

I try to live my life in a manner in which I'm kind to everyone and try not to take anyone for granted. When I was younger, I used to have this theory that I wouldn't live to see 30. Strange, I know. Yeah, I'm probably in need of some therapy. I came to this belief after witnessing my aunt die at 32, my dad at 34 and a sister at 1 year old. I thought perhaps we had some type of generational curse going on. I just know that when I hit 30, I felt so blessed because I was alive and well.

Life lesson: Be thankful for each and every day and don't take the people in your life for granted. Tell your significant others that you love them.

Why? Why? Why?

My birthday is March 2nd! Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me!
In honor of my upcoming celebration of another year of life, I was mentally compiling a list of my Top 10 "whys". Not saying I'm complaining because I love my life, but damn, sometimes I just have to ask myself:

1. Why wasn't I blessed with a butt?
2. Why aren't I photogenic?
3. Why did God forget me in the breast department?
4. Why do people mistake my kindness for weakness?
5. Why did I get the skinny genes and not the brickhouse ones?
6.Why didn't I recognize my gifts/skills early on?
7. Why wasn't I in line when God was giving out passes for the rich and famous?
8. Why did my mom have to die?
9. Why do some people consider me standoffish, when I'm really just quiet?
10. Why did my dad have to die?

**Honorable mention: Why do people insist on calling me Electra instead of Electa?**