Sunday, August 22, 2010

If I Could Go Back In Time

“Life gives us brief moments with another...but sometimes in those brief moment we get memories that last a life time...”

I have always heard and been told that one should never live life looking backwards. It's not productive. Never live in the present, looking towards the future, with woulda coulda shouldas pulling you back. Always embrace your future and live in the moment. That's where your energies should go.

However, I must admit, sometimes when just the right oldies song comes on the radio,  I become nostalgic and remember when. In that moment, I am taken back. It's amazing how a song can take you there---back in time---where you remember, and can almost feel what you were doing and who you were with at a moment from your past. And you smile because the memory makes you happy; it's almost like reliving it.

I've experienced a normal, middle class existence, just like most people, and sometimes I wonder, if even for a few seconds, what it would feel like to revisit my past. Even if it was only for an hour, or a day, with the knowledge I have now, to revisit various events and significant moments from my youth and young adulthood. 

Wouldn't that be absolutely amazing?

I've had my share of good, bad, joyous and tragic moments and they have all blended together and made me the person I am today. I have learned many life lessons. I'm the conclusion of all the moments and events I've experienced in my past. We are all products of our past. A summation of events.

If I had a magical wand and the ability to time travel, I would go back to these major points in my life.
  • a day when I had terrific fun with all my female cousins that I grew up with
  • the day I turned 13 (finally a teenager)
  • the day I turned Sweet 16
  • my first date
  • my senior prom
  • a day in high school
  • a visit with my mom
  • I'd revisit the moment I fell in love for the first time
  • the first time I became a woman
  • high school graduation
  • turning 21
  • a day in college
  • college graduation
  • first day on a real job
  • my wedding day
  • birth of my son
  • birth of my daughter
  • reunion with all my deceased relatives
  • first book deal
  • ???? (the ones yet to come)
The really great thing is that with God willing, I'll have many more special moments in my life. Life goes by so quickly. It's a shame that some people don't embrace it before it's too late. Memories. . . the fabric of life.

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Thursday, August 12, 2010

Believe Them

I consider myself to be a genuine observer of people and life in general.

I have always had the unique ability to pick up on a person's aura (spirit) within minutes of meeting them. I can't say I have never been misled, but usually I am on point in knowing who is genuine and who is not so genuine.

I don't necessarily feel I'm an observer of people simply because I'm a writer, however, that is probably part of it, but also because human nature fascinates me to no end. That's probably why I minored in sociology in college, am intrigued with psychology, and my favorite TV shows, besides reality shows, are the ones such as Criminal Minds, which deals with profiling and understanding human behavior, deviant though it may be. Bottom line: People intrigue me.

I was listening to a radio show (V-103) on my commute into the city and the radio personality talked about an article he had read a few days earlier. Basically, the article stated that a research company completed a study that followed a select number of children from the time they were 5 or 6 years old until adulthood.
It was interesting to note that the same personality they exhibited when extensively interviewed as children, whether bubbly, happy, cranky, selfish, sad, bad, etc.,was the same personality they exhibit as an adult.

Isn't that like, "Wow!" Our personalities are ingrained in us and do not change from as early as five years old. This rings true as one of my favorite quotes is by Maya Angelou, "when people show you who they are, believe them."

Our personalities speak for themselves! Believe them!

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Monday, August 09, 2010

I am Afraid

“When I dare to be powerful---to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” –Audre Lorde

I admit it---I am afraid some of the time. Even though I am confident and secure in my abilities, gifts and destiny most of the time---being afraid will creep up now and then and play mind games with my psyche.

What am I afraid of?

I am afraid of not fulfilling my destiny. I am afraid of not becoming the best person I can be. I am afraid of falling short of my goals. I am afraid of not leaving a legacy for my children. I am afraid of not being good enough in their eyes, whoever “they” are.

I am afraid of not making a difference during my lifetime. I am afraid of just being average. I am afraid of second place. I am afraid of not having the strength to keep keeping on. I am afraid the universe will not recognize the passion, energy, drive and love I bring forth as if my life depends upon it.

I am afraid.

I am not afraid to admit these facts because I am human and imperfect just like anybody else. I have never been afraid to voice my feelings and emotions that I wear on my sleeve like a badge of honor. Oh yes, I have doubts and fears that shadow my path in the midst of my triumphs; attempting to shatter my dreams and discourage my footsteps. I recognize this for all it is and for all I will not let it become.

Yes, I am afraid.

I am afraid and scared some of the time, but I am also faithful in my knowledge that God didn’t bring me this far to forsake me. Why would he? His power can make the impossible, possible. Open doors that are closed. Make a stranger a powerful ally.

I am afraid some of the time, but most of the time, I am secure in my blessings and in the knowledge that it may not happen when I want it o happen, but it WILL happen. And that makes it less and less important whether I am afraid some of the time as long as I continue my walk to greatness.

Most of the time I am powerful.

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